November 27, 2017

the best headphones ever!

Having a baby can be really exhausting and it can be so hard to keep them occupied for the entire day. I've tried all sorts of games and activities. Jax has lots of toys that he really does love playing with, but it seems like they get bored at the exact wrong time. Picture this, I'm starving and Kelly will be home in about an hour and I decide I should probably make dinner or even clean the house even a little bit. Jax is completely happy and content with his toys so I figure that I should probably quickly start getting that stuff done. Then Jax decides he isn't happy and he wants my attention and his toys have now become the most boring toys any child has ever owned. It's the same thing when I want to shower, or literally do anything.

So, in a desperate attempt to not want to die or to actually have a chance to clean myself and the house, I found a few shows Jax likes. First of all, they're not actual SHOWS. Like Jax literally will NOT sit there and watch a Disney movie, a random kids TV show like Little Einsteins, or even the Barney episodes that Kelly and I worshipped when we were his age. Jax only likes 'shows' that are constantly singing. CONSTANTLY. If there is even more than 5 minutes of talking he gets mad and starts screaming until the next song. So, while he'd be happy sitting there watching Disney songs, he can't watch the entire Disney movie without a few fits.

I always told myself that I wasn't going to be the mom that let her kid sit in front of the TV, and I really try to avoid it. I try and take him for walks, or read with him, and I always try and sit there and play with his toys with him. But it just gets to a point where you need to keep your sanity and a healthy amount of hygiene, so in come these shows he loves.

The hardest part EVER though is that Jax flies a lot. Kelly's family lives in Dallas and my family lives in Toronto, so as you can imagine- we are flying all over the place all of the time. Jax has already flown to Dallas twice and Toronto once, and back. In about 2.5 weeks I'm flying with him to Calgary and back for my brother's wedding. He hates flights recently. Hates them. I always do the basic 'feed him while taking off and descending so his ears don't pop,' I have Puffs, bottles, toys, blankets, and his pacifiers, but it gets to a point where he's just DONE sitting in my lap and throws a fit.

But I didn't want to annoy everybody on the flight with hearing 20 different versions of the Wheels on the Bus and songs about washing your hands after you poop. They didn't want to hear that. So, I went on a search for some headphones for him and it was SUCH a frustrating task. Obviously I couldn't use in-ear headphones, and over-ear headphones would eventually just be ripped off his head and turned into a new teething toy my innovative boy invented.

I took to the Internet and I found CozyPhones on their website. I LITERALLY freaked out! I was SOOOOOOOOO in love with them. I texted Kelly a picture and told him all about how they were a headband that is also headphones. I had never thought about something like this. It literally struck me as pure genius and I was obsessed. I ordered them and they arrived in the mail a few days later and my life was changed.

First of all, how FREAKING CUTE ARE THESE HEADPHONES? I put them on him and may have freaked out about how cute he looked in them. A little fox on his head? Are you kidding me? Just the most brilliant and adorable idea. He immediately loved them. It didn't take any convincing whatsoever. I gave him my phone with one of his shows with constant music, and he was hooked.

Then just to make the whole situation better, we traveled to Dallas and back this past week for Thanksgiving. So, this was the real reason I wanted to get these headphones for him, and I was so excited to try them out. Well........ they were SUCH a hit. He'd be screaming for who knows what reason, and I'd throw the headphones on him and he was so content.

I hate flying. I hated it before I had Jax. I hated it. So, when I had Jax I knew it was going to be brutal in a whole new way and I was dreading it. This made my life so much easier. I'm significantly dreading our trip to Calgary in a couple of weeks so much less, and if you ask me- anything that makes life as a parent easier is a win!

So, thank you CozyPhones for making my life easier. Thank you for making me dread flights significantly less with Jaxon. Thank you for being a lifesaver!

September 29, 2017

being a "social media mom"

To be honest, I hate putting labels on people or things in general. I hate the term 'Instagram Mom' or 'Social Media Mom' or 'Influencer' or anything like that. I think it puts every single mom out there on Instagram into a group, and if one person gives that group a bad name then everybody who has ever considered themselves a part of that group gets that bad name too. Although, lately that's more or less who I've been. I don't work like my husband does, so the only income I have is through any sort of compensation that I can make through my social media presence.

Now, I'll be honest, sometimes it's really rad. I've received the DockATot, a baby monitor, books, toys, clothes, and more as compensation for me posting about these things on social media. In fact, I'm even finally getting my teeth straightened for free in exchange for me posting about the company. Most of the time I have no problem doing so because I honestly believe in the company or the product that I'm working with. Like my teeth, I will praise them up and down for so many reasons without even a second thought.

But I'm not here to talk about the influencer or the marketing part of being a social media mom. There are plenty articles, mock Instagram accounts, and blog posts that you can go and read to figure out more about what I do there. You'll hear good and bad, I'm warning you now.

I really just want to talk about what it's like being a mom in the digital age. What it's like posting pictures of your children and making friends through social media. To be honest, a lot of the times it's amazing. I've met some really dope people through social media. In fact, the three women I hangout with in Utah (yeah, that's all my friends) I met through social media, and we're like besties. We love each other and we have a really great relationship, so in that case I am totally in love with the idea of social media.

Social media has brought a lot of joy to my life. A lot of joy. But it has also brought just as much, if not more, misery. You know who's on social media? Everybody. Including that girl you've been jealous of your entire life, who somehow has a perfectly flawless Instagram feed and people just flock to her. You know who else? That mom that you met who's kid is younger than yours but is far more developed. They're eating solid foods perfectly, sleeping perfectly, crawling a month before your kid does, etc. You know who else? The most hilarious person you have ever met and you're convinced you'd be best friends with them, but they're too busy to give you a second thought.

Someone always has a better camera.

Someone always has a smarter kid.

Someone is always prettier.

Someone is always smarter.

Somebody always has a nicer apartment.

Somebody always travels more.

Somebody will always have a seemingly more perfect life than you do. Always. ALWAYS. That is a very discouraging thought. It is so discouraging to see moms as I scroll through Instagram posting pictures of their day. Their house is perfectly clean. They're showered. Their hair is perfect. Their makeup is on (and they use brands that you can't afford). Their child is asleep in their super expensive crib for their 2nd perfect nap of the day.

So, where are you? You're in the same sweats you've had on for three days. When was the last time you showered? You have dishes in the sink. You kid won't stop screaming, or crying, and refuses to nap. You're about this close to going completely and utterly insane and vowing to never have another child. And you're wondering why you even had a child to begin with. Remember those days you'd just hangout with your husband and watch a movie? Yeah, those days are gone.

Let me break this down for you.



I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. I'm not. You know why your friends aren't posting about their acne and their hemorrhoids when they're pregnant? Because nobody else is. Just like you, they are convinced that nobody else has these disgusting things going on with their body because nobody else posts about it, and they will not be the first one to break the silence, because WHAT IF they're the only ones?

Nobody is going to post that their three day old makeup is all over their face from breaking down and wondering if they'll ever be able to handle this 'mom' life, because guess what? Nobody else is! Nobody wants to admit that there are days that they regret having kids. Nobody else wants to admit that there are days where they just can't handle it!

This leaves people completely and utterly alone, and this is exactly where my undeniable shame and misery come from. It comes from that feeling like everybody else is a better mother because they keep their cool better than I do. It comes from believing that everybody else is prettier, when in reality it took that girl like 45 minutes to get that makeup on, and there's a good chance their kid was crying when they did it. 

You know when people don't want to pull out their camera and film? When their kid is screaming bloody murder and they can't figure out why! Think about ALL of the times that you've been at your worse, or your kid has been at their worse. Did you ever really consider taking a picture or filming it or posting it on your Instagram story? Nooooooo. There are so many other things to worry about in those moments, and on top of that- you don't want to admit that you don't have your shit under control at all times. Of course you don't, and I don't blame you- I don't either. I want people to think that I know exactly what I'm doing at all times.

Granted, I have an angel child, and I have been completely blessed. But I am not a perfect mother. I will never be a perfect mother. I will never be the prettiest or the most put together. I will never be able to actually justify spending $2,500 on a couch that my kid is going to spit up on. My husband is a student just now starting to make his way into the corporate finance world. We have no money. Our apartment has cinder block walls for now, and I cry about my teeth, and my breakouts, and my hair, like 3 times a week.

every single person that you follow on social media is struggling with something that you have no idea about. every. single. person.

And it might not be the same thing you struggle with. That girl might have full confidence in her looks while I'm over here crying because my teeth are crooked, but some other girl might be crying because her husband isn't giving her attention and she feels unloved while I have a seemingly perfect husband. You have no freaking idea what people crying about when they have a moment alone with their thoughts. You have no idea that somebody is comparing their life to yours while your comparing yours to somebody else's.

Being a social media mom means putting your life out there for the world to see. It's opening yourself up to ridicule, and it's opening yourself up to seeing other people who might have a better life than you. MIGHT. You are seeing their highlight reel. The VSCO edited picture after 42973423 takes, and all you can focus on are the unedited outtakes. 

It can be brutal, but you're not the only one who thinks so.

September 08, 2017

such a chill little babe

I have honestly been blessed with such a good little sleeper. It wasn't always that way though. It was kind of a mess when he first came home and at one point he was waking up every two hours. And honestly, what is most important to a mom? Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

I am such a more patient person when I've had a good nights sleep. I'm nicer to Kelly, to Jax, and to the dog even haha. I didn't realize how much I depend on sleep until I wasn't getting any. It can be brutal. So, we eventually got a DockATot and let me tell you how much it changed my life! Like I could go on and on and ON about all of the amazing things about the DockATot, but I'll just do a few.

First of all, I completely trust it! He snuggles Jaxon up so well, but it's breathable so I don't have to worry about any kind of suffication whatsoever.

It's so comfy (like I could sleep in this thing).

It's so portable. When we went to Texas back in May we just brought it in our suitcase and Jax slept incredibly regardless of being somewhere other than home. It was amazing.

We would bring it outside to play and he loved it.

Honestly, it's incredible. So much so that there was no way we would be able to give it up once Jax grew out of it, because he did (this kid grows like a freaking weed). So, we upgraded to the Grand and it's EVEN BETTER THAN THE FIRST ONE!

It's huge first of all, so I literally can lay in it completely comfortably.

He can lay on the edge of it and watch TV, or just chill outside. It still snuggles him so nicely and it's so convenient to just have around. He can comfortably lay there and he is so happy about it. Honestly, I cannot say enough good things about the DockATot. The Deluxe+ starts at $160 and the Grand starts at $260 and it's so worth it. They have completely changed our lives in the best possible way!

They offer a toy arch for the Deluxe+ which is incredible and I really wish we had gotten it for Jax, since he loves toys. They have lots of different patterns for the DockATot and you can even take off the cover to wash it, and buy extra ones to have around.

It's perfect. I'm obsessed, and so is Jax!

Get $10 off with this link!

August 28, 2017

trying to relax!

Guys real talk I am never really relaxed I've realized. When I have literally 30-60 minutes to myself I'm usually cleaning, cooking, working out, taking Ollie out- all of that super fun stuff that is not even a little bit relaxing. I also have pretty intense anxiety, which makes it a thousand times harder to just simply relax even when I do have a moment to do so.

I literally rely on baths for any kind of relaxing time. I go ham too. I do bath bombs, and bubble bath, I have candles, I have Netflix on my phone so I can watch FRIENDS which can cause some stress sometimes (they WERE on a break... why does Richard confess his love to Monica when Chandler wants to propose?!?!??) Anyway... I love them. I LOVE them. I live for them. When I was pregnant I had a bath bomb bath probably twice or three times a week and it completely saved me.

Between Kelly living away from me, moving, being crazy pregnant I was stressed out of my mind and that 20-30 minutes I had in the bath was completely refreshing. I could stop thinking so much and just spend some time to myself (and let me tell you- bath bombs are GREAT for stretch marks since they moisture the water so much). Now that I have a baby, like I said, I never have two minutes to myself that I'm not doing something, but when Kelly is home and can take care of Jax- or if he decides to go to bed fairly early I take the time I have an I have a bath, with a bath bomb almost always.

 But I'll be honest with you- I can't afford the amount of bath bombs that I want. They can get pricey... I mean, $9 a bath is kind of insane for 30 minutes of pleasure, but I do it anyway. I am always on the search for a cheaper alternative though, because I am not willing to give up those baths whatsoever, but I have definitely got to find a most cost effective way to take such a great bath.

That's when I came across Rocky Mountain Rinse and I can't tell you how excited I was about it! Their bath bombs are $2.95 each (yeah I'm serious) and they are amazing! They're made fresh in Colorado Springs and they are made with 100% pure essential oils and they don't use any artificial dyes or scents which makes them completely safe, so I actually let Jax use one tonight since he was having a particularly bad day and I needed something to just calm him down haha. They are incredible and I was so pleasantly surprised at how great they made me feel for such a good price!

I'm all about essential oils, especially lavender so being able to put it into a bath is such a great feeling and I love that I can trust them with my kid and even with myself! I hate having to worry about what kind of crap is being put into something that is covering my entire body- the last thing you want to do when you're trying to relax is worry about what kind of stuff happening.

It comes with a chart showing you what each bath bomb is best used for.

Sangre (Lavender + Tea Tree) is best for sore muscles. 
Marcellina (Peppermint + Cypress + Lavender) is best for aches and pains.
Hesperus (Eucalyptus + Peppermint) is best for sinus pressure.
Almagre (Chamomile + Lavender) is best to relax and sleep (this is the one I used for Jax). 

Seriously, we have really hard jobs being moms. It's straining and it can be really difficult to find time to relax and just have time for ourselves. Do yourself a favour and get a bath bomb and take 30 minutes to yourself- it is SO important to not forget about yourself when you're a mother, it can lead to depression and make life even more difficult!

Check out Rocky Mountain Rinse on Instagram and their website here! You'll thank yourself!

August 27, 2017

so ready for fall

Kelly and I spent the day yesterday just wandering downtown which I'm always down with, because I honestly love living so close to downtown. Seriously... when I lived in Rexburg it was brutal living so far from any kind of downtown, so I love being able to be this close. Every so often I'll go downtown on the bus with Jax and we'll meet Kelly at work. I just love being down there.

So, Pink Blush has officially starting bringing out their fall kind of clothes like this sweater which is the CUTEST and the most perfect fall colours and I jumped on it so fast (they are a trendy online boutique with the cutest maternity and non-maternity clothes btw- I wore them pregnant all the time and I could rave about them for days). This sweater is definitely not made for the kind of weather that we were having yesterday, but I really didn't care. I'm lowkey hoping that if I can manage to wear fall type clothing, and buy all the fall candles and handsoaps, and start making pumpkin flavored things that fall will come sooner.

It probably won't work.

But we can pretend.

My house will soon be smelling like fall. As of right now I just have fall smelling handsoap in my bathroom, and I'm wearing sweaters in 30 degree weather and that's good enough for me.

There is the cutest little coffee shop downtown just like a two minute walk from Kelly's office so we stopped in there for random cute coffee shop pictures and hot chocolate and cookies. It's honestly just tiny and super sweet and I loved it. Like they had letterboards for their menu and a neon 'Coffee' sign, are you kidding me? Is that not the cutest little tumblr thing you've ever seen? I'm all about that life.

And I guess Dick's sporting goods was having like a party thing going on at Gallivan Center and there was the cutest little water display thing that Jax was obsessed with. He looooooves anything involving rain or water, so he was so in love with staring at it. It was adorable. I love finding things that Jax loves so much.

that double chin tho.

August 22, 2017

new phone + new case!

Lately I've been trying really hard to go on walks with Jax more. It's going to start getting colder soon (which I'm actually stoked about) but that means it's going to get harder and harder for us to go on walks together, which is such a more fun way of losing the baby weight. Today we walked down the Corner Bakery Cafe which is honestly one of my favourite places that I've discovered since moving to Utah. I've had their pasta, breakfast, and sandwiches and I'm always 100% satisfied, and it's awesome.

Check out my phone case and laptop btw! I am all about the marble fad that has been going on and I'm not even slightly embarrassed about it. It is such a classy look and I am in love with my how my laptop looks with this laptop skin! The case and the laptop skin are from CaseApp and they are honestly one of the coolest phone case companies that I've come around! They give you SO much freedom with your designs and they're such great quality! You can either choose one of their premade designs (which is what I did for my laptop skin and the phone case), or you can design your own! That means you can literally add any picture that you want. You want a picture of your husband, your child, your dog, your plant??? You've got it. AND if you want to take one of their premade designs and add your own words or clipart on top of it, you can totally do that too!

I'm obsessed with my custom iphone case. I think the design is so classy and the quality is so nice! It feels perfect in my hand and it isn't at all bulky. It just fits so nicely and I love it. The design isn't just a sticker that you could peel off of the case either, which is something I've found for most phone cases with cute designs!

So, go and check out CaseApp and check out what they have to offer! Also, use the code SUBLIMELIFE20 for 20% off their website!

August 20, 2017

Let's Talk Motherhood: Self Care

One of the greatest parts of social media for me lately is the connections that I've been able to make with other mothers. We are all going through a really transitional time as we try to balance ourselves with becoming a mom and figuring things out, and being able to have such a long mom community to rely on and ask questions and honestly just to chat to can be so therapeutic and makes this whole motherhood thing just a little bit easier.

McKell Quilter-Wilson is a friend of mine that I met through Instagram and she's honestly so ridiculously awesome. She started a series called 'Let's Talk Motherhood' where a group of mothers each month write a blog post about a specific topic and I am so privileged and excited to be able to be a part of the series for this month! We are talking about self care, and honestly this is probably one of the areas of motherhood that I struggle with the very most, so being able to talk about this is so refreshing and I am so excited to see what the other mothers in the series say about this topic! You can find the links to the other mother's blogs down below!

1. Has your view on self care changed since becoming a parent? If yes, how?
My view on self care has changed significantly. I've never been one to need to put on makeup, to do my hair, or even put on anything other than sweats. I've always been completely happy eating whatever I wanted, wearing what was comfy, and just kind of going with the flow. Since becoming a mother I've realized that you need to take time for yourself. You need to eat healthy and take care of your body. You know on an airplane when they say to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on a child? It's the same idea. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of another human being. You won't be able to give them nearly as much care if you're not first taken care of. 

2. How do you make time for self care as a mom?
On days that I know it's going to be especially difficult because Jax didn't sleep very well, or I didn't, or the house is a mess I always try to wake up at least an hour before I expect Jax to. I need that time just to clean, or eat a good breakfast (or breakfast at all). 

3. What are your favorite ways to practice self care?
Eating and putting on even the slightest bit of makeup. I don't know what it is, but I feel like I can conquer so much more if I put on makeup or do my hair at least a little bit. I feel good about myself and it makes it so much easier to be patient. Also, I've always had a tendency to just skip meals, and so if I can make an effort to actually make some meals for myself instead of just worrying about Jax eating then I really feel a difference.

4. How do you overcome 'mom guilt' when you do take a few minutes to yourself?
I struggle with this... a lot. I feel guilty when I can hear Jax crying but I just want to eat my meal while it's still hot, or when all of the dishes are dirty including his bottles and I spend that time putting makeup on or working out. I think about that oxygen mask analogy a lot. If I want to be patient and I want to be a better mother than I need to do what is important to myself. I've seen plenty of times that I lose my patience if I didn't get a chance to focus on myself that day, and it's just not worth it. 

5. What advice would you give to moms that struggle with practicing self care?
You are still important. Believe it or not, you are more than just a mother. You are your own human being, and although it might seem like the other important human in your life is your child, it's not true. You are still a human being that needs to be taken care of. Whether it's working out, putting makeup on, or eating a meal that you actually prepared for yourself- do you. Your baby takes up the other 99% of your day, but give yourself that 1%. You deserve it.

This is something I've always struggled with, and even since having Jaxon it's only gotten so much worse for myself. I don't take time for myself, and when I do I feel extremely guilty for it, which is honestly ridiculous and when I say it out loud I realize how silly that really is. I could ramble on about this forever in both directions, I could easily justify not spending enough time for myself, but just as easily justify why it's important that I do!

Here are some other mom's blogs & Instagrams!

July 25, 2017

this life was my choice

My day starts at around 4:45am for the first time. I hear Jax crying a bit on the monitor. I wake up, make a bottle, get him out of his crib, feed him the bottle, burp him, and put him back down. By now it's about 5:15am, Kelly is already at work and I get into bed again.

At 8am I'm awoken again by sounds on the monitor, but this time it isn't crying- Jax tends to just talk to himself in the mornings until I go in and get him out of bed. He might screech or scream once or twice to get my attention, but at this point he knows, "Mom's coming soon, no need to cry."

I make a bottle and set it next to the couch in the living room. I make sure there's a burp cloth next to it, and I turn on some Disney movie. And then it's my favourite part of almost every day- getting Jax out of bed in the morning. Up until this point in my life I was miserable getting up in the morning, but seeing that happy little boy smile as he looks up at me from his crib is probably one of the greatest sights of my life. I swear, it beats every sunset, every open ocean view on a cruise, and it even beats seeing the waiter at the Olive Garden bringing out my pasta. It's my favourite.

I change his diaper, I change his outfit, and then I bring him out into the living room to eat his breakfast. He sits in my lap eating his bottle and watching whatever Disney movie I put on, which makes him take twice as long to finish his bottle, but hey- he loves it, so I love it.

Our day works in 2 hour intervals.
8:00- wake up, eat & play
10:00- eat and nap
12:00- wake up, eat & play
2:00- eat and nap
3:00- wake up and play
4:00- eat and play
5:00- nap
6:00- wake up, eat & play
8:00- bath
8:15- eat & down for the night

Of course on Sundays we add church, and every so often we throw in a trip to the grocery store, to the mall, or to a friends house, but more often than not this is our daily routine. It took a long time to get this point though. For the first few months of Jaxon's life there was a lot of trial and error for what worked for him the best. I also sleep-trained the crap out of this kid from the second he came home from the hospital, and even then it took about 3 months of doing the same thing every single night before it started to work. Getting into a routine took more than a day, a week, and even more than a month. It took a looooot of frustration and wondering if it would ever work or ever be worth it.

Let me tell you a bit about what happens during my days. I tidy the house, I do the dishes, I do the laundry, I miiightttt shower, I take Ollie out, I'll make lunch, I'll make dinner sometimes. On top of that, I'll change a bunch of diapers. I'll wipe up spit up off my clothes, off the floor, off of Jax, off of Ollie. I'll see that Jax is constipated so I'll sing the special poop song and make Jax do the special poop dance, then I'll change the diaper once the poop song and dance work. I'll try feeding Jax some rice cereal, and when he reaches for the spoon to feed himself- I'll let him, even though it makes the whole process a thousand times messier. I'll clean Jax up from his rice cereal feeding. I move him from the floor on his mat, to his Jumperoo, to my lap about a thousand times a day. I'll help him stand, I'll help him sit, I'll help him burp.

If we do go for a drive with Kelly I have to sit in the back with Jax to make sure he's happy. Sometimes he wants his pacifier, sometimes he hates it. Sometimes he wants to look out the window, sometimes he wants to be covered up. Sometimes he wants music, sometimes he wants us to talk to him. And sometimes, he'll scream. He'll scream and nothing will make him stop screaming, because he decided he hates how reclined his carseat is. So, we go to the store and buy him a carseat that helps him sit up more. Then he's a happier baby.

Plus, leaving the house takes literally 5x as long as it used to. I have to make sure I have enough bottles full of water for the tiny trip we're going on, and make sure that my formula containers are full (sigh, formula). I make sure I have an extra outfit, an extra burp cloth, an extra pacifier. I'll get Jax dressed with pants and socks, I'll throw him on my hip, and bring him out to the car, and strap him into the carseat.

While we're out we are bound to hear people give us advice. When we were coming home from Toronto Jax kind of threw a fit on the plane, and I had three different people try and tell me how to comfort my own baby like I haven't just spent the past 4 months of my life trying to figure out what worked best for him. If Jax cries while we're out and I didn't put socks on his feet (because he usually kicks them off) then there is always a comment about how he's crying because he's cold (when in reality it's time for a nap, but we're not home). Everyone has an opinion of how I should've tried harder to breastfeed, or how I should dress him warmer. People think that they know my baby better than I do, and I can't tell you how frustrating it is.

But still, I politely nod- pretend to do the thing they advise me to do, and I go on my way.

On top of everything I have to deal with now with having a baby I also had to do a lot to get to this point. I went through 2 miscarriages. I went through 9 months of being absolutely miserable and in chronic pain. I went through Jax pushing his head into my cervix so I'd scream in public. I went through baths at 2am sobbing because of heartburn. I went through crying buckets because of TV shows I didn't even like.

And then I went through labor.

I went through having contractions strong enough to put me from 4cm to 7cm in an hour and a half with no pain medicine. I went through a nurse making jokes while I was going through these contractions as she kept missing my veins to get my IV in. I went through 2 hours of pushing.

And then to top it all off, I went through $10,000 of medical bills because this little boy I went through all of that other stuff with was born with pneumonia. I went through 2 weeks of going to the hospital every day, and having to check-in at a front desk so I could just go and see my baby. I went through 1.5 weeks of not being able to hold him, and half a week of wires attached to him when I did.

I have friends from high school that are single and are going on camping trips or traveling around the globe with their girlfriends with nothing but a job keeping them from doing so. They have their own income that they can use on themselves, and on whatever they want. I have other friends who are dating, but have no interest in getting married anytime soon, because why be tied down? I have friends who are married, but are more interested in working and saving up and traveling with their husbands and buying their first home. I have friends who had babies, but decided that they should go to work and get an extra income on top of their husbands.

I'm sure that to these people my life is completely miserable. Why would anyone ever want to have a baby? Why would anyone want to do something that drained their money while also causing them not to work? Why would anyone want to sit at home all day watching Fixer Upper and dealing with a crying, pooping, screaming baby?

I do it for that smile in the morning. I do it for that moment when Jax rolls over, which he couldn't do the day before. I do it for that laugh he gave when he saw Ollie running around outside. I do it for the chuckles I get when I tickle his neck and blow on his belly at the same time. I do it for the overwhelming satisfaction I get when I look at my life and I know that there is literally nothing else that I would rather be doing. There is no job that is better than this for me. There is no place I'd like to go on a plane and visit more than I'd like to be in my living room. There is no piece of clothing I'd like to buy that wouldn't get spit up on it eventually. Through all of the crap I have had to deal with there hasn't been one moment when I thought- I do not want this life.

I didn't fall into this life because I'm a woman and I felt that this was my duty. My husband doesn't go off to work everyday because he thinks that I'm not able to. I don't do the laundry and the housework like a little 60's housewife because I have to. I do it for me. I am being 100% selfish by choosing this life. Our life would probably be much easier on Kelly if I went to work everyday and helped to support us. Our life would be much simpler if we could travel around and not be tied down to one place. I mean, geeeeeez, my life would be so much simpler if I could have friends come over without having to give my son a bath and put him to bed in the middle of a conversation.

Making the decision to be a stay-at-home mom was an entirely selfish one. This is what I wanted. This is what I needed. This is the thing that I wanted most in this entire world. I don't sit at home and make dinner and clean the house for Kelly to support him while he goes to work, so that when he comes home he can relax. He goes to work everyday so that he can support me in my dream. This is literally my dream come true.

This life was my choice.
This is my literal dream come true.
This is pure joy.

July 19, 2017

lollipop baby monitor review!

OOOOOHKAY I'm going to get real with you guys! A good monitor is really hard to come by. Kelly's step-mom Shae sent us a super great quality one when Jax was first born, and I loved it, but when I had the chance to review this Lollipop Baby Monitor I had to jump at it. A monitor is a super crucial thing to have when you have a new baby, and since Jax has been sleeping in his crib by himself I really wanted to make sure I could keep an eye on him at all times.

You can purchase the Lollipop monitor on Amazon (with Prime) for $149.00 here, it comes in turquoise, yellow (pistachio), and pink (cotton candy). They're all just the cutest colours.

The Lollipop Baby Monitor, first of all, comes in probably the cutest packaging I've ever seen. It's completely great quality and the cutest colours and the packaging makes sooooo much sense. Everything is super nicely fitted into this gorgeous box. It comes with everything that you could possibly need including the cord for it, a wall mount, the monitor, AND they even have wall mounts for the cord to go through. You use a coin to push the cord into the wall mount so that the wires aren't flying everywhere... are you kidding me? How smart is that?

The monitor can be twisted around the edge of the crib and it's perfect. If you want the wall mount, use it- stick it against the wall and wrap the monitor around it, or just wrap it around your crib, which is what I did- and it worked perfectly and it's so cute. You can turn it and adjust it so that it has the perfect angle for you to see your little baby at!

After you've received the baby monitor you can download the Lollipop app and get everything set up. It is VERY easy to set up. They tell you exactly what you need to do in order to get it to work, so there is no guessing what steps to do next. The app is great quality too, it's not complicated whatsoever so it's not hard to find the monitor live view or figure out your way around. You can use the app to play music through the monitor, to speak through the monitor, and you can share the live view with whoever you want. When Kelly is at work he can actually go onto the app and see what's going on with Jax. The app will also notify you when the baby is crying, and it has the option to see the peaks when your baby wakes up through the night.


Also, look at the quality of this monitor! It's such great quality and this is the nighttime view! Can you believe the nighttime view could be this good?! A lot of other monitors have the blue nighttime view, which can make it really hard to see what is going on. You can also zoom in, which is aaaaawesome since I'm paranoid and if Jax is quiet too long I zoom in to see if he's still breathing.

To sum up, I'm obsessed with this monitor.

The actual camera itself is incredible quality and is not even slightly cheaply made. It's great quality! Not to mention the quality of the actual monitor view and the app. Everything works together so well and it's so easy to use. I love it so much! If you're looking for a great quality monitor for a decent price, definitely check out the Lollipop Baby Monitor- I promise you won't regret it!

July 17, 2017

jaxon's blessing + a pink blush dress!


Jaxon and I flew down to Toronto on July 7th and Kelly came down on the 13th. We had so much fun! We went down to Palmyra to see the Pageant and to see the temple where Kelly and I got married- it was incredible to see that temple with our little baby. We have come so far from our wedding day back in October 2014. What an insane few years!

Then on the 16th we got to finally bless Jaxon in my home ward in Creditview, and it was amazing. I loved hearing what Kelly had to say about our little boy and the kind of man he will become. I loved having my family and friends around to celebrate my baby boy! It was such an incredible day and I'm so grateful that we were able to go over to Toronto and be with my family.

For his blessing I wore this dress from Pink Blush Maternity and LEMME TELL YOU- it's perfect! It's so comfortable and flowy and I got compliments from basically everyone that came to his blessing. The colours are so unique and the pattern is so much fun! I'm seriously obsessed with this dress. Pink Blush has cute women, plus-sized, and cute maternity clothes and they're all ADORABLE! I was obsessed with them when I was pregnant and I'm just as obsessed since having Jaxon. They have the cutest clothes, which is reaaaally hard to find when you're pregnant.

I am a ridiculously awkward model, but I needed to show off this dress. So, regardless of my awkward attempt to model it perfectly the dress still made it look amazing.

How cute and flowy is this dress?!?!?????

May 30, 2017

finn + emma pj's and rattle!

Oooookay! The second I found out I was pregnant I was clearly on the hunt for the cutest things to get my little boy and the cutest toys! I found Finn + Emma & found their rattles and I dieeeddd. Their rattles are hand knit and made from 100% GOTS certified organic cotton! The dyes and inks are eco-friendly and their stuffed with sheep's wool. They are so organic and okay for babies to play with!

Jaxon is legit obsessed with it too! He'll grab onto it (as much as he can grab) and when I shake it and it rattles he gets all excited and starts kicking and cooing. He loooves it as much as a 2.5 month old can love a toy and I love that it's so safe for him to play with, and since the dyes and inks are organic I don't have to worry about him putting it in his mouth which is such a relief.

Finn + Emma is amazing for sooo many other things as well! They have wooden teething toys made from Indian hardwood and finished with vegetable seed wax, and they feature a phtalate-free rattle inside! They also have play gyms with the cuuuutest toys & have corresponding play mats for them! AAANNNDDD they have muslin blankets (as if those couldn't get better). Honestly, this company is amazing.

The other thing I'm in love with in particular from Finn + Emma is their pajamas! Look how cute Jax looks in them! Their garments are made with buttery soft organic cotton and non-toxic, eco-friendly dyes- again with the safe dyes! Sooo amazing! Their snaps on the pajamas are also lead/nickel free and they have real coconut inserts! They have a generous fit too- so that they can be worn for even longer! In these pictures Jax is in a 0-3 month outfit and it is very loose on him, but soo comfy! He loves it and he loves that it isn't tight, and even though he recently moved into 3-6 sleepers it's amazing that he can wear this for so long! It slides over his head and snaps on the bottom! It's super cute and it has the fold over mittens, which is great because Jax always scratches his face and always throws off any mittens we put on him!

To sum up, I'm obsessed with this company and it is so nice to be able to get something for my baby boy that I don't have to worry about having a negative impact on him. He doesn't get rashes from the outfit, he can put things in his mouth without me naturally freaking out etc. I love them!

Save 10% on Organic Baby Clothes & Toys at Finn + Emma.

May 17, 2017

feeling classy for father's day & A GIVEAWAY!

Before Kelly and I got married he had always dreaded Father's Day. It was not a happy day for him, and without going into a lot of detail, I'll just leave it at: there wasn't much to celebrate. It didn't seem to get much better after we got married either. Father's Day two years ago was genuinely so discouraging for both of us. Less than 3 weeks before Father's Day we had miscarried at 12 weeks pregnant and it was miserable to go church and to go into the stores and see all of the cards and gift bags for 'fathers.' Kelly felt like a father since he had been expecting to actually become a father, and since he'd seen the ultrasound it was actually starting to feel real. Last year Father's Day wasn't nearly happy or exciting either. We'd been trying for a while and had actually had our second miscarriage about a month earlier. So far in our marriage Father's Day has been pretty miserable and it's been hard to be happy during it, and that's why I really wanted to make sure that this Father's Day was really special for Kelly! We finally had our little boy that he could hold in his arms this year, and he finally had something to celebrate: being a father himself.

I wanted to make sure that I got him something that he'd love, but would never actually buy for himself. Every once in a while when we'd go into stores he'd look at the watches and talk about how classy they were, but he'd never say 'I think we should buy one,' he'd just leave it at how classy he thought they were and leave it at that! Remembering those times I knew that getting him a watch for Father's Day would be perfect! He loves wooden watches and so JORD Watches (pronounced YODE) was the perfect type of watches for him! They have men's and women's watches that you can look at here!

These watches are ridiculously classy and they make his suit look even more formal, and it makes whatever casual outfit he's wearing for work or just when we're going out look completely classy! It's SUCH A cool watch! He looooves it! And since it's so classy I'm actually hosting a giveaway with JORD to give someone $100 to the shop, and everybody who enters that doesn't win still gets $25 to the shop! Whaaaat?! Giveaway closes June 18th, 2017! You can enter to win a men's watch or a women's watch, but regardless you'll be entering to receive such a classy and unique watch.

Watch Gift Ideas

May 15, 2017

pinkblush mom fashion

For Mother's Day Kelly and I went downtown SLC to City Creek (which was empty on Sunday which was awesome) and took some Mother's Day pictures! I loved taking pictures with Jaxon and actually feeling pretty for the first time in a while.

I was obsessed with PinkBlush when I was pregnant with Jaxon. They have literally the cutest and most fashionable maternity clothes you can find, because as you know - it's nearly impossible to find cute maternity clothes that don't make you feel huge or actually make you look pretty! That's why PinkBlush was my favourite maternity clothes go-to shop. It had the cutest clothes that could be worn whether you're pregnant or not!

This dress is actually a maternity dress, but I fell in loooooove with it to just wear all the time. It's so flowy and comfortable and it's so freaking cute! I styled it just simple flats and a super cute simple necklace for just a day to day kind of look, but you can do so much more! Add some heels or wedges, a fancy necklace and earrings and you can rock this day or night! The flowy material is perfect for the hot summer weather we have coming our way.. especially if you're pregnant, because we all know how hot you get in the summer when you're carrying around a person.

You'd never suspect that it was actually a maternity dress, it just seems like a flowy and fun floral dress for the summer! The other time in my life I've ever felt 'not pretty' is right after having a baby and it's honestly been pretty hard finding something that I felt comfortable and pretty in, but this dress did it! Since it's flowy it covered up the postpartum belly that I'm so desperate to hide hahah, but if you are pregnant it'll fit your big growing belly! It's just perfect! So, check out PinkBlush whether you're pregnant or not because I prooooomise you that you'll fall in love with EVERYTHING they have.