May 07, 2016

a should be mother

For the most part I can get through my life without thinking about the way that it could've been if I had been lucky enough to give birth to my little baby back in December, but when it comes to Mother's Day it is impossible to ignore the way that I feel thinking that I should be celebrated as well - because in my mind, I am a mother. 

  1. 1.
    a woman in relation to a child or children to whom she has given birth.

My entire life I did believe this was the correct and only definition to mother. You are not a mother unless you have given birth to a living child. Although, lately I do not believe that one bit. You are a mother the second you decide that your life is not your own. The second you fall in love with a child, whether they're in your arms or not. The second you give up your entire life and are willing to make every single sacrifice that you need to for this child. Sometimes this is when you see the positive pregnancy test, and other times it's when you see the negative one and your heart is in so much pain because you are in love with something you do not have. You are willing to give up your entire life to somebody that you don't know yet. 

Mother's Day is a very sentimental day and I'm so grateful for it. I think it's wonderful that we give an entire day to recognize the sacrifices and the love that mother's make every single day of their lives, which they have honestly given to their children with no regrets. When it comes to my mom I got insanely lucky. My mom is literally my best friend, and I tell her everything (and I mean everything). I've always loved mother's day because I got a chance to celebrate her, which I should do every single day because she's just so wonderful. 

Although, Mother's Day for me is no longer just simply a day to celebrate my mom. Honestly, right now it's one of the hardest days of the year. It's so hard to see all of these giant cards, and flowers for the people who were lucky enough to have a baby. Having had two miscarriages in the past year it seems so unfair to me that I don't get to celebrate and that I don't get celebrated because I had such a misfortune. If I could I would be making every single sacrifice I had to to be a mother. I would give up my money, my body, my sleep, my time, my entire life for that baby that I wasn't lucky enough to give birth to. 

And I know I'm not the only one. There are millions and millions of women out there who would be willing to make those exact same sacrifices. Those women are in love with a child that they don't get to hold in their arms and kiss goodnight. I do not want to take away from the celebration of the women who were lucky enough to give birth to a child, you are wonderful. I merely feel as though there are millions of mother's out there that you can't recognize because they're not pushing a stroller down the street, but who deserve to be celebrated as well. 

So, to all of you "Should Be" mothers, 

Happy Mother's Day

Please remember that right this second there is a baby up in heaven that is waiting to be in your arms. Heavenly Father is holding that child, and that child is begging his current father for the chance to meet you and the chance to be raised by you.

Celebrate yourself today! Celebrate the fact that you ARE a mother in the eyes of Heavenly Father. You are a mother in the eyes of those spirit children. You are their mother, and they love you so much. You deserve this day too. Enjoy it. 

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