June 09, 2015

Making the best of a bad situation

Pregnancy is full of a lot of not-fun things. I didn't really necessarily get to the point of having too much pain or a giant belly of any sorts, but there were still a lot of things that changed my life even being pregnant for the short little while that I was. Right after we saw the ultrasound and realized my baby had already passed my husband said, "It's okay sweetie, I'll get you an energy drink tonight," and of course I replied, "dang straight."

Some weirdly but very important things to me include; caffeine, tanning, and dying my hair. Basically all of those things you can't do when you're pregnant (people say yes and some other say no about the hair thing- but I chose no). So, while I was pregnant I did my very best to stay away from those things. I dyed my hair brown from the blonde that I had right when I found out so I wouldn't have to touch up my roots for the next 9 months, I didn't even have too much Coke or Dr. Pepper even though the doctor said that would be fine, and I literally watched myself get paler as my husband got more tanned. These may seem like small things to you, but these are things that I actually enjoy a lot, but it wasn't hard for me to do those things at all.

I would pick a baby over all of those things a million times if I had to. I would never do anything to hurt my baby by any means. But, the second I found out that I had miscarried I said, "I want a tanning pass, a hair appointment, and a Monster right now." This wasn't because I really missed those things, I didn't really- I loved being pregnant! I loved giving those things up for my baby, but I had the chance to do something that I couldn't do before.

I didn't get to choose whether I got to stay pregnant. But I got to choose how I handled it. I tried my hardest not to mope around the house all day, I usually got dressed, and did my hair (sometimes), and I even tried going to work and to class the day after it happened.

I was heartbroken, but I really tried to make the best out of my situation. I didn't get to choose to have my baby back, but I got to choose what colour I did to my hair next! I got to choose how dark I would get! And if I wanted to drink a Monster today, I can!

Sometimes in life we're thrown a curve ball and it's something that we absolutely hate and it's basically torture. But it is our responsibility to make the best out of it. We do NOT get to choose everything, that's the point of this life- if we could choose exactly what happened to us then it wouldn't be much of test, would it? We have to live with the cards we are dealt and find some kind of magical way to get through it. Find something that makes us happy and cling onto it even if it's something so small and something that you would never pick over the other option.

Heavenly Father will always bless us even if it's not in the way that we're hoping. Sometimes terrible things happen, but our father in Heaven is literally right there beside us. He has angels watching over us, and I like to think that there are even more when we're going through a hard time. Christ died on the cross for our sins, but He also suffered in Gethsemane so that he would be able to know the pain we're going through. We are loved as our Heavenly Father's children more then we could possibly imagine.

So, spoil yourself a little bit. Do something that you love. Do something that even if it's only for a little while will make you forget about anything bad that has happened. Tanning, energy drinks, and dying my hair will never make me as happy as I was when I knew I was having a baby, but they make me happy even in the tiniest little way.

We are so loved. I can't even begin to imagine what my life would've been like without this Gospel and without the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost literally giving me comfort (and I swear giant hugs sometimes). This life is a test. Work hard!

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