June 29, 2015

How To Avoid Comparison

My mom has said from the very beginning of my life "everybody is going through something and nobody is actually as perfect as they appear." I just never believed her. One of my biggest trials was looking at somebody else's life and wishing that I had it. I wished I looked like certain girls, or had the money that some people had, or got to travel like some other people, and I could never understand why my life wasn't as lucky as theirs.

"Comparison is the thief of joy." As we're going about our lives staring at other people and wondering why our lives aren't as fortune as them we are actually diminishing ourselves and putting ourselves down.

So, how can we avoid doing that and what can we do to make ourselves feel better about our own lives and circumstances?

June 27, 2015

OGX Hydrating Macadamia Oil

This is just a short review of OGX Hydrating Macadamia Oil. 

You can get this at Walmart, or a grocery store, or Ulta etc. and it's pretty amazing. Since I colour my hair a lot I had to find something that actually keeps it decently healthy for my everyday use or pulling, burning, and teasing my hair! I use this immediately when I get out of the shower before I even brush my hair-- I do that because it actually helps to untangle your hair and makes it easy to brush through without pulling any hair out. It's awesome!

I can't tell if it has made my hair healthier, but it makes it softer, and my hair hasn't been able to get any worse since using it even with all of the damage that I constantly do to it. 

Overall, it's only about $5-$7 depending on where you go and I think it's totally worth it! It's a cheaper alternative to some of the other options that more or less do the same thing!

June 25, 2015

The Value in Planning

If you have ever made plans for your life then you'll be able to concur with me that they hardly ever work out the way that you plan them and so it can be really hard in even bothering to make plans for your life. For example, when we got pregnant we had all of these plans for what was going to happen for the next year and a half and all of those plans had to do with me being a stay-at-home mom and how that was going to work. We were very happy with our plans and excited for our future.

Now we have new plans. We have plans for when we want to have a baby, where we want to live next semester, what we see ourselves in five years- but the truth is; probably not one of those plans will actually work out the way that we want and have planned.

So, why should be bother making plans if they don't work out?

June 20, 2015

Father's Day


a. male whose sperm unites with an egg, producing an embryo.
b. male whose impregnation of a female results in the birth of a child.

What's great about the world wide web is that you can go searching for the definition of something that you mean to be amazingly inspired and come out with a way too descriptive explanation. Medically speaking, a father is "a male whose sperm united with an egg" and "a male whose impregnation of a female results in the birth of a child." I was just one egg that my dad helped to make into an embryo, and I was just a child as a result of impregnation, but I have so many more father's in my life than just the one who medically is my father.

First, I have a Heavenly Father. This is the father that literally watches over me every day of my life and wants the very best for me, because that's what a father does. He does everything He can to make it possible for me to return to live with Him, because He truly is a father and He misses me and all of His other children. Because of my Heavenly Father I am living and have this amazing Gospel in my life that gives me knowledge of Him and the Atonement.

Second, I have my actual father. Whatta stud. My mom always tells me the story of how my dad knew I was going to be a girl before she did, so he was so excited and brought home a case of pink diapers to tell her I was going to be a girl, and since that day he's made sure that I was a daddy's girl. He made it impossible for me not to be. He watched out for me in every single aspect of my life. He gave me the gift of straightening pictures in public places when they're crooked, and the gift of knowing how to make websites. Because of my father I knew the exact type of man I wanted to marry, I had such a great example of a father and because of him I found the man I married, whom he quickly approved of- because, Kelly likes ABBA.

Before I talk about the third father I have in my life I want to tell you a story: Before I got married I was always the girl who said "I want to be married for at least two years before I have a baby. I want to be a wife before I'm a mother. I want to be a mother- but way in the future." Now most of you know that I got pregnant when I was married for less than 6 months.

Because of the third man in my life that I already consider a father: my husband. We were married for about a mother before I decided that I wanted to have a baby really early on in our marriage, because from the second I met Patrick Kelly McBride I saw the potential of an amazing father. Kelly had fulfilled the first "medical" aspect of a father and put a little baby inside of me and we were so excited. I was SO excited to celebrate this Father's Day with him considering him a father, because for a whole this day has been very painful for him. I was so excited to buy him chocolates and different things that you give to dad's. I was going to give him a present from the baby.

Well, we don't have that baby anymore and this Father's Day is super rough all around. Everybody says that the moment a woman gets pregnant she becomes a mother, but I've considered Kelly a father to my baby for a long time. I believe that his potential to be a great father one day should be celebrated today, because I am so grateful that I married a man who is so capable of being everything I've ever wanted for my children.

I love all of the father's in my life so much and I am the person that I am today because each one of them has played a significant part in my life. 

June 16, 2015

Into the light of the dark black night

A lot of things happen in our life and we sometimes expect those circumstances and the events that happen to define how we feel and how we act, but it turns out that those have very little to do with our attitude or our happiness/sadness. I had always thought that if I had clear skin, and long blonde hair, and I got married that I would finally be truly happy all the time and with my entire life. Then I got all of those things and guess what, I wasn't happy yet. 

One of the scariest realizations is that we have more impact on our attitude and our moods then we give ourselves credit for. We constantly blame our circumstances for being unhappy, or sad, or just miserable in general, but that is just not a good enough reason because those actually have very little to do with it.

I'm not saying that sad things that happen in our lives shouldn't make us sad. When I had my miscarriage there was no way that in that moment or even a week after I was going to be able to smile really and mean it deep down, but that also can turn around. After my miscarriage I had moments that were really happy- and I appeared really happy temporarily, but I was still miserable. 

"I'll be happy when..."

It's unfortunate because I truly let myself believe that the reason I was sad half of my life was because things weren't working out in my favor. Things were always someone else's fault.

June 09, 2015

Making the best of a bad situation

Pregnancy is full of a lot of not-fun things. I didn't really necessarily get to the point of having too much pain or a giant belly of any sorts, but there were still a lot of things that changed my life even being pregnant for the short little while that I was. Right after we saw the ultrasound and realized my baby had already passed my husband said, "It's okay sweetie, I'll get you an energy drink tonight," and of course I replied, "dang straight."

Some weirdly but very important things to me include; caffeine, tanning, and dying my hair. Basically all of those things you can't do when you're pregnant (people say yes and some other say no about the hair thing- but I chose no). So, while I was pregnant I did my very best to stay away from those things. I dyed my hair brown from the blonde that I had right when I found out so I wouldn't have to touch up my roots for the next 9 months, I didn't even have too much Coke or Dr. Pepper even though the doctor said that would be fine, and I literally watched myself get paler as my husband got more tanned. These may seem like small things to you, but these are things that I actually enjoy a lot, but it wasn't hard for me to do those things at all.

I would pick a baby over all of those things a million times if I had to. I would never do anything to hurt my baby by any means. But, the second I found out that I had miscarried I said, "I want a tanning pass, a hair appointment, and a Monster right now." This wasn't because I really missed those things, I didn't really- I loved being pregnant! I loved giving those things up for my baby, but I had the chance to do something that I couldn't do before.

I didn't get to choose whether I got to stay pregnant. But I got to choose how I handled it. I tried my hardest not to mope around the house all day, I usually got dressed, and did my hair (sometimes), and I even tried going to work and to class the day after it happened.

I was heartbroken, but I really tried to make the best out of my situation. I didn't get to choose to have my baby back, but I got to choose what colour I did to my hair next! I got to choose how dark I would get! And if I wanted to drink a Monster today, I can!

June 08, 2015

National Best Friend Day

I really don't like to participate in these "National" days. I didn't even eat a donut on National Donut Day, which was really just weird because I eat them every other day of the year. But how could I pass this one up? I live with mine!

Now you do NOT have to tell me how cheesy it is to say that you married your best friend, I'm fully aware and I'm fully okay with it. I thought I would take this day to talk about my husband and my best friend. 

I met him in Subway, you all know the story. Tall hunky blonde man makes a comment about Canada while we were both in line for Subway. He then became friends with me and my roommates which was pretty cool. He was always over (I'm the only one that was actually okay with that- because he's such a dope guy). For about a month after I met him I just wanted to be around him all the time, and I promise you it's not because I liked him at all- I didn't. I thought he was awesome and he always listened to my problems and let me vent about guys that I liked actually. 

But there was something about him that I just loved. 

Then this guy decided he wanted to bring up the idea of us dating. I told him I thought it was a good idea and he said, "Meh, I've already decided it's not going to happen."

Well okay, you all know how that worked out.

Two days later he decided he couldn't live without me and asked me on a date. So, on May 13th, 2014 we went on our first date. It was magical.

It wasn't. It was actually kind of awkward going on a date with a guy that I usually just talked to about nothing in particular.

But what a freaking stud. Six days later as he was saying bye he accidentally slipped, "I love you." And he has said it to me multiple times every day since then. 

So, here's my best friend. The guy who loves that pillow sounds like hello. The guy who will think about the politics of Pretty Little Liars with me, and the stud who always says I look great- even when everyone around knows he's just sucking up. He's been my best friend for over a year and I get to be best friends with him forever!

June 02, 2015

One Week Later

  1. 1.
    complete trust or confidence in someone or something.


When something as traumatic and heartbreaking as a miscarriage happens there are only a few options of how you're going to choose to react to the situation. 

I wish I could say that I snapped out of it and left my problems at home. Instead, I couldn't even go to church and see babies and pregnant ladies. I couldn't go to class without being able to randomly cry about it when I wanted to. Honestly, it still takes a little bit for me to even shower and make myself look nice in the morning. 

But what I never did was blame Heavenly Father. 

The first time we were told that we were going to miscarry there was a lot of contention and confusion in my faith. Having children is one of the commandments given to us in this Gospel, and I wanted to start my family early like I had always been told Heavenly Father wanted us to do. I could not understand why He would ever not want me to have a baby. Although, when it actually happened I didn't even have any slight feelings of frustration or anger toward my father in heaven. 

Since I've been married there have already been a lot of problems. My husband and I get along fantastically almost always, but it was a whole different lifestyle then I'm used to and it takes a lot of adjustments. But not once have we been so stuck in a situation that we couldn't figure our way out of it, or we weren't blessed. We were always blessed in a way that we didn't expect. We always had a way of figuring things out. 

Though I am very frustrated with the situation and I want more than anything to still have my baby inside of me, I know that I was blessed. Kelly had been in Texas the day before I started to bleed. We picked my mom up at the airport the day before I actually miscarried. Though the actual miscarriage was hell and I wish more than anything that it didn't happen, it could not have happened in a more blessed way. I felt Heavenly Father's presence so strongly telling me, "It's going to be okay." 

I knew from the second that I realized what was going on that Heavenly Father was right next to me, comforting me, and doing everything that He could. I may not ever know why this had to happen, but with the faith that I have and the comfort that I've been given from the very start of all complications; I know it happened for a reason. I have faith in my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ.

I know that this would not happen to torture me or put me through pain. I know that my babies are being taken care of until I'm ready to have them down here with me. Faith is a tricky thing. Sometimes it seems like it is impossible to have faith in such a horrible thing, and I can promise you that the faith that I have now is not because I'm not heartbroken. I have never experienced a more devastating thing in my entire life, but I've also never felt closer to my father in heaven, and I've never felt His love more strongly.