March 25, 2015

"shall be but a small moment"

I think most of my life I have figured that once I had all of the things that I always wanted, I would be happy. It started out with wanting a different hair colour, or wanting a husband, or wanting a tan even. For whatever reason, I sincerely believed that once I had all of those things on my list then I would be eternally happy and never have a worry ever again.

Turns out, God has a different plan for each of us concerning that. And we will not just suddenly become happy one day because we got what we want. Though getting married was one of the things that I had wanted for a long time, I didn't suddenly wake up one morning and all of my problems had gone away. Some of them had, but then I actually acquired new ones! Don't get me wrong, I'm insanely happy with my life, and my husband and what we have together, but we have trials.

Being a newlywed student getting a simple undergraduate degree comes with a lot of problems. My parents always told me, "Love will get you through times with no money better than money will get you through times with no love," apparently that's a really old song that they know, and turns out, the song was right and so were my parents.

Although, it's not only the "no money" thing that I'm talking about when I speak of trials. It seems sometimes like it's one thing after another, and it becomes very easy to compare your life to somebody else's and wonder how you could get there and start naming off all of the things that are going wrong in your life.

Luckily, I have an amazing husband that will put his arms around me and comfort no matter how irrational I get. I have a Heavenly Father who loves me, and I have a constant reminder that trails are just temporary.

 Alma 38:5 And now my son, Shiblon, I would that ye should remember, that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day.

I read this scripture almost every morning. I have it open on my night stand so that when I wake up it's the first thing I see, highlighted in pink, and underlined a few times. Sometimes life just seems like all of your trials will never end. It feels like the world is caving in on you and God has forgotten about you and those trials. It gets pretty hard in life sometimes and it feels like you really have no place to turn.

That is why I'm so grateful that I never have to actually believe that, because no matter how hard my life gets or how ever long the trials seem to be, I know that they are a fleeting moment. Heavenly Father has sent us to this earth so that we may struggle, have trials and tribulations, and learn. I realized that when I'm at my darkest times, if I turn to the Lord then He is always there listening, and He cares.

Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to get down on your knees, or get all dressed up and go to the temple, but it's always worth it. I've realized that one of the hardest things is realizing that things aren't going to be fixed right away! Like most things in life it takes a constant effort to get the results that you're looking for!

Heavenly Father has a plan for us. He wants us to be happy more than anything else. He loves us! Sometimes it is hard to trust in Him, but when we do there is a far better plan waiting on the other side as long as we give ourselves to Him and have faith in Him and His plan!

He has a far better plan for each of us then we even have for ourselves. I have seen it countless times! I thought I had my entire life figured out and I couldn't understand why Heavenly Father wouldn't give me what I so desperately wanted and figured would be best for me! And time and time again he has given me something even better than I had imagined! Sometimes it just takes a couple trials, a few downfalls, and the effort and strength to pick ourselves back up and come back to Him in faith before we can truly receive what He has in store.

 It's not easy, but He has never forgotten us. Putting our faith in God and trusting in His plan will bring us out of our trials and toward eternal happiness.


March 12, 2015

Why I need Him



need
nēd/
verb
  1. 1.
    require (something) because it is essential or very important.

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I think one of the most common questions that we ask ourselves in this life is whether we need something or just simply want it. Whether it's money, a certain job, and random things that we can buy with that money because of that job. It's hard to realize what is a necessity, what is essential, and what is truly important. Being married has forced me to reconsider what I need in my life and what is simply just a really, really strong want! 

There were times in high school or elementary school when I thought that I needed this guy to like me, or I needed those clothes, and I needed to be the most popular. Getting married didn't necessarily change my mind and make it clear to me what is the most important. Although I'm only four months married it was really easy for me to instantly fall into this state that I needed everything right away! I needed the really nice apartment with the nice furniture, I needed all the nicest clothes so I could present myself well, I needed a new computer because mine just wasn't cutting it for my standards anymore. All these things that I needed, but I never thought about what would have happened if I didn't get them.

Although I was very confused about what I truly believed that I needed right away I started to lose focus on what I actually need the most in my life. I need my Heavenly Father. I need His Gospel. I need  the Atonement of Jesus Christ. This is just a short list of things that God provides for me that I truly require, because it is essential and VERY important. For whatever reason, after I got married I turned a new leaf of having the complete wrong idea of what I needed and what was the most important. One of my biggest goals in my life was to find a husband that treated me well and that I loved enough to spend the rest of eternity with, and I think that once I met him I stopped doing all those things that I felt were necessary to earn him. I didn't go to church with the same intent, I didn't read my scriptures or pray as faithfully as I used too. Suddenly, Heavenly Father gave me what I had wanted my entire life, and in my mind for a split second I thought, why do I need Him anymore?

What I forgot was the fact that if it weren't for my Heavenly Father, if it weren't for His Gospel and if it weren't for the Atoning Sacrifice of our Saviour Jesus Christ, then I wouldn't have the thing that I hold the most dear to me right now.

I was married in the temple for time and all eternity to the man that I always prayed and dreamed and hoped that I'd one day find. But I didn't find him by myself. I didn't earn his love on my own. Though I don't necessarily believe in soul mates, I believe that everything happens for a reason and I do not think it was a coincidence that my future husband was standing in line at the Subway that I went to after catching the last spot on the earlier bus and getting me there early enough to meet him. I would not have been able to make a sacred covenant with the love of my life for time and all eternity if I did not have this gospel in my life, and if I didn't have Him in my life.

Because of Him all things are possible. Because of Him we can have everything that we always wanted! He is what I need. I need Him now just as much if not more than I needed Him when I was searching for my eternal companion. I need Him every second of my life, I require my Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost constantly surrounding me in order to have the life that I want for myself. Because of Him I can have a lot of those things that I confuse as needs. He knows what is most important to us. He loves us and want us to be happy and will give us the very best that we can have! There were times when I couldn't believe I wasn't married (even though I was still so young), but now-- knowing who I marry, knowing how happy he makes me, and knowing that I'll have him for eternity because of this Gospel and my Heavenly Father, I would wait forever to have this again.

I need my Heavenly Father just as much as I want him. I need every inch of this Gospel. I need the Atonement, and I need the constant companionship and peace that this Gospel can give to everyone as long as we remember what we truly need. Without Him I wouldn't be who I am and I wouldn't have everything that I have. I owe everything that has come to me in my life to Him, and I need Him.